Like the youth of the 1960’s who expressed themselves with long hair and funky clothes, today’s teens are using body marking to express their individuality. A piercing or tattoo is a way your teen says, “I’m growing up and making my own decisions, even if you don’t like it!”
You can say no, but how do you both respect your teen’s need for independence and avoid the rebellious behavior? A calm, unemotional, rational discussion of the following points can be helpful.
• Passing Fads: Remind your teen about other fads that have passed. Help them think about the permanency of a piercing or tattoo and the difficulty in changing it — it’s not like last year’s jeans.
• Appearance: Ask your teen how they want to be viewed by other people. Ask them to consider the impact a pierced eyebrow or tattoo might have on that perception — today and years from now.
• Individuality: Talk about other ways your child might express individualism and independence such as through writing, choice of clothing, hair, or a part-time job choice.
• Health concerns: Talk about the health concerns of piercing and tattoos — bleeding, allergic reactions, infections, hepatitis and other diseases one can get if it’s not done correctly. And be sure to discuss the upkeep of piercings to ensure infections don’t develop from bacteria and yeast.
• Compromise: Come up with a solution you can both agree on. Maybe you’d accept a third earring or even a navel ring. Other options may be temporary or henna tattoos, clip-on or magnetic rings for the lip, nose or navel, and glue-on studs for the nose.
• Time: Ask your teen to think about the decision for a set amount of time. At the end of that time, talk again about the reasons and concerns.
Consider the ways your teen may be trying to express their individuality and make room for things that are easier to change like hair length and color, jewelry or clothing. Acceptance of these “changeable” items may help your teen address their individualism in less extreme ways.
And try not to focus too much on the physical appearance of your child. Instead focus on their positive attributes and remember this is a commendable person who is struggling to reach adulthood.
Patti Skelton-McGougan is executive director of Youth Eastside Services, a non-profit and leading provider of youth counseling and substance abuse services in the region. Visit www.YouthEastsideServices.org.
