When I am pressured through aggressive tailgating and angry hand motions to go faster than the clearly posted speed limits or to disobey clearly posted “share-the-road” markings on Juanita Drive, I can only try to keep my cool and pray to God these neanderthals who can’t even go the speed limit on a Sunday morning are actually just from out of town.

In fact, I often feel like I need a sign painted on my back window that says what our road signage on Juanita Drive does not:

“Our kids walk on this street to their school buses.

Our neighbors bike on this street for recreation and for transportation.

Think you own the road? You don’t.

You have to share it, as indicated, or people die.

So if you cannot find another street to terrorize, please slow down and chill the hell out.”

But I know the truth is that if these drivers can’t be bothered to read and obey basic signage about speed limits and pedestrians and bicycles, they certainly aren’t going to read my lengthy back-window diatribe on Juanita Drive safety.

So here’s the thing: If you, the people who tailgate me and make angry gestures at me when I drive legally and safely on the road I live on, actually do live here and actually are my “neighbors,” then I invite you to check real estate listings in Southern California, where I’m originally from. They drive much faster there, I can assure you. And would you believe that in many Southern California cities the median home prices are actually lower than here in Kenmore? Plus, they have In-N-Out!

Seriously, you will love Southern California – everyone’s in a hurry there, just like you. But a word of advice: Don’t be so quick with the horn and the tailgating on the roads there. When terrorized from behind, Southern California drivers are apt to do more than just flip you off.

Happy trails.

Tamara Rice, Kenmore